My favorite t-shirt is a lot like the character it bears on its face (you know, if a t-shirt had a face): Richard Simmons.
I know, I know… Half of you are thinking this is going to be crap and the other half of you—old t-shirt buffs like myself, no doubt—are nodding your head like I just turned on some old school Funky Cold Medina. Whatever, this isn’t about math. It’s about a t-shirt: a “dude, sweet”-worthy, paint splattered, can’t-find-deals-this-fantastic-at-Goodwill t-shirt that I inherited (or stole, one of those) from my mom in the neighborhood of ten years ago. Well… maybe it took a detour on my brother’s back, but it’s mine now, so whatever. The point of the story is, this t-shirt exemplifies everything I would ever hope the world could possibly think about me in its musty green awesomeness. While bearing in aged, cracking letters The Richard Simmons Show and an awesomely vintage Channel 36 logo on it’s front, it is unique… cheesy… timeless… and extremely legit—just like ol’ Richard. Plus, let’s face it: everything HE represents on my t-shirt is everything I would ever want to be anyway!
Only on few occasions have I worn this t-shirt and not been asked about it or complimented on it. It is a crowd pleaser without doubt and an unlikely one at that. When my mom got this t-shirt at The Richard Simmons Show in a year I would assume is pre-Vanilla Ice time, I’m sure she had no idea she was single-handedly building her future daughter’s wardrobe. I used to wear this t-shirt all the time, but now it has become like a little black dress or my better smelling lotion: only to be worn on worthy occasions. Worthy occasions which have included my uncle Russell’s wedding reception, that time I presented some research at Yale, and that first summer I spent on my favorite rock’ n’ roll band’s tour bus. Listen, this t-shirt has taken me places, okay? Every time I wear it, I can hear both Richard and my mom’s excited squeal in the back of my head, telling me to go out and conquer the world, but first, myself…and try to look 80s-aerobic-shorts-and-headband-combo cool doing so.
It seems a little silly for all of this to stem from owning a t-shirt that my mom tried to throw away more than times than I can count before I got my grubby adolescent hands on it… But we all have one—a t-shirt that represents everything we could ever hope to portray about ourselves in one glance. Mine just so happens to be at a level of cool that allows me to think Richard Simmons has always got my back. Oh, and for the record, he does… He does.
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